Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
