I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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