a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
