i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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