I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
