I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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