bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just gift wrapped bread.
worst night to have a conscience
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
