good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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