Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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