I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
