I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
