Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize