So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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