I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
