it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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