Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
