I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
