Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize