What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
