Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish you could order shots online.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
