You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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