I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
