I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
