There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
