If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize