idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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