it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
