explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I believe in your delicious
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
