i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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