the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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