chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
