I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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