just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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