the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
