So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
