I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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