'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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