OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
