The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
