They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This toilet bowl is my home.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
