I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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