What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
