I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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