He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
