I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My liver is preforming stress tests.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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