My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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