she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
