three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
