i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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