so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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