I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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