I hate your face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
