I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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