I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
