dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
